“For goodness sake, Jesus didn’t come here to help me discover who I really am. He came to tell me who he knew I really was and to do something about it.” N.T. Wright
Guess what I just Found!
My bible! I left it at home a month and a half ago and I was really starting to miss it and all it’s note wisdom. But, I got’s it now!
If it’s the Lord’s will I would love a car.
I always thought that when people said things like “I can’t find any good churches” That that was super dumb excuse because I didn’t really feel they were all that different. But then yesterday happened. I went to church with my friend and it is the same denomination that I went to when I was a kid. But after the message we prayed and we prayed good. I just love that church and it depresses me a little to be content at a church that for me is so-so. I wish I had a car so I could drive so that I could pick a church that teaches me the way I need to be taught and believes the same things I believe in. Its hard to be stuck in one place, I miss the freedom of going where I want whenever I want…so guess what this girl is saving up for.
It’s just way to much to not have something that takes me where I need to go and I long to be apart of a small church. One where everyone knows you and where I can get connected to people outside of Spring Arbor.
If it’s the Lords will, I would love a car.
One Cold Frigid Night.
Winter is cold. But anyways, I decided to work at the winter retreats at SBC. Last weekend it was the jr/sr teen retreat which is what this post is about. Anyways I got to my room that I was counseling in and before you know it there are six teenage girls in the room really excited for the weekend. I too was excited as well as a little dread knowing that it was only going to get colder and whiter outside. But we all really hit it off, two of the girls had come with a church so I only really got to see them in the morning, at night and the occasional running into the other. The other 4 though, I feel that I grew closer too which was great, one of them in particular. Her name is Emma and she is an 8th grader. She is me only 7 years younger, way taller and I cry. The main reason for me writing about this is because this girl at 14 years old inspired me. She told me a story of her life and told me she had it rough but she also told me that she is “Completely devoted to God.” I have never ever heard those words in my life from someone who was talking about themselves. Even though she had gone through some rotten stuff she knew God was there. It was awesome to get to know her.
Valerie is one of the other girls, she was one of the sweetest kids ever. Naomi is the most extraverted and caring person and Julianne is a great listener and a person who just wanted someone to listen. They are all super talented and really fun. That was a good weekend…besides me getting a cold. It was a great time and I am glad that I braved the storm, the cold and the wind to go. Explorer retreat (3-5 graders) is the weekend coming up. I am counseling once again. I know that it may cause more of a challenge but with God as my source of strength I know it will be just as good as last weekend.
Book 1.
I WROTE A BOOK!?!? What?!?! j/k
I did however read a book. And the title lies this is the 3rd book this year. so it should be entitled book 3, whateves. The Book was My Name is Memory and I think it was pretty good except the end… talk about a cliff hanger! ugh. Really I hate that and on top of that no sequels in sight. Makes me a little sad.
It wasn’t even that good but that’s okay. Anyways, J-terms over and I am looking forward to next semester when I will be taking photography 2, Graphic Design 1, Core 300, and History of Art 2. I think that it is going to be great and I am looking forward to all of my endeavors. Next two weekends I will be at SBC counseling, MY FAVORITE. it will be a good time. My new book came today it’s a 30 day devo. called Faith Dare I think I may like it. Anyways time to do some papers. mhmm.
Ugh…
And there it is one little thing that someone said changing my whole day around. Have you ever felt unwanted in your own life? Or How about not having friends that want to hang out with you? Ugh…I need to learn to rely on God and only him.
If you ever need to talk…I’ll be here.
Fresh and Clean
Today I feel great, granted it is 5:10 in the evening and I just worked out and took a shower. It is a frigid tundra outside. It’s super cold here. But it’s been worst, I am sure.
I don’t know whey I feel so calm today but it’s super nice compared to what I have been feeling this whole J-term. I have been rushed to get things done that don’t really need to be done. I think that has partially to do with the fact that sometimes I feel like I need to be better. I mean I am sure that you all have that feeling once in a while too. I think that today I just feel good about myself and the relationships I have had.
The other night my friend, Bethany S. texted me about an internship this summer… let me tell you that sounds awesome! But at the same time I just want to go back to camp which could possibly be my last summer there. So I was super worried all the time about everything. Should I do this should I do that… and then I realized that I needed to give it up to God. I did. He has brought so many things to my mind. I have almost decided that I can ask the man that is offering the internship if he could take me the summer after this one…I don’t know why but I feel good about it. If he can’t maybe I could talk to Sarah about an internship at camp with her at some point. I don’t know really but right now I am at peace with it and that makes me Happy and I thank God because only he can settle my heart and mind like this.
I am almost done with my third book this month… My Name Is Memory by the same author that wrote Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I lie it I guess but it’s super predictable so far. I’ll let you know how I feel at the end but I do hear the end is terrible. I got my next book already it is “The Red Queen” It sounds interesting but, I’ll see.
This is a super long post about nothing in particular which is crazy because I usually have something on my mind when I decide to write. But not this time. Not really I think.
I am hungry to do something with my life. I mean make a difference start not having to pay for education and to travel. But I still have a year. blah… I do like these people they are super Great…. Speaking of people I can’t go to California like I planned to after school was over because of stupid Jury duty… I don’t mind it except the fact that it is right in the middle of my vacation. hmmm… but that’s all right I will get there sooner or later.
Lot’s Wife
I am not going to lie, I have been having a little difficulty with my faith lately. I don’t know exactly what but my friend said it sounded like I was questioning God’s Love and to tell you the truth that is probably is exactly what it is.
Today in my devotions I was reading about Lot’s wife. You all heard the story, he lived in a crazy wicked (Not in the good sense) town. So God decides that he is going to destroy it. And to be quite honest I don’t want to even know what the town was doing that was so bad that God had to destroy it…with Raining Fiery brimstone…. I mean that is a lot of bad one would think. Anyways getting back to the story, an angel comes to rescue Lots family and they really kinda don’t want to go so the angel says leave and so they do but the angel warns that no one is to even turn around and look upon it. But someone did…and guess who that someone was? Lot’s wife. and she turned into a pillar of salt. WOAH. Powerful. But I guess I never really got that story… I mean I got the fact that when you see an angel and he warns you not to look upon a city when God is destroying it then you probably shouldn’t do that.
Now I get part of it… Lot’s wife looked back because she didn’t want it to be destroyed. She wanted to go back. It’s like in those movies when the girl leaves and the guy is watching her walk away and then the girl looks back…it’s because she doesn’t want to go. So because she still wanted to be apart of it she got turned into, as my devotion states, a monument of hearing God’s word but not heeding it. I liked the way that was explained. Because honestly that’s what I needed.
I hear God’s word all the time but how many times do I turn around to what used to be my life and wonder what it would be like to be there now… many. I never really thought it was a bad thing but at the same time “What if…” Usually is a bad game to play. “What if I hadn’t gone to Spring Arbor…What if I lived at home still…What if my values were a little different…” and so on and so on. Honestly what I have learned is that I made my choices. I have what I have and I need to continue to listen to God and to not look back. Looking back only causes trouble and for me to be in a ditch that was taking over my soul. “Escape for thy life, look not behind thee … lest thou be consumed.”
The Gospel bells give warning,
As they sound from day to day,
Of the fate which doth await them
Who forever will delay—
Escape thou for thy life;
Tarry not in all the plain.
Nor behind thee look, oh, never,
Lest thou be consumed in pain.
New Years Eve
Let the New Years Resolutions BEGIN!!!
I know it’s only New years eve…but no one said I had to wait until New Years day to start right? Good, cause I’m not waiting. I have a lot to get done this year I think and I need to write it all down before I forget.
#1. Be a better me.
Whhhhaaaa….jeez Jenn that sounds awfully familiar. I am aware but, when is a good time to stop and when do I get to the point that I need to stop? Yeah, that is what I thought. I need to still be striving for my best because even on a good day I could work a lot harder.
#2. Be a Healthier me.
Yes, for me this does head up the category of losing weight which I said last year was a shallow new years resolution but, one of the BIG things I learned this year is that my body is exactly that…mine. I don’t want it to give in because I am not treating it right. Plus looking good in skinny jeans….yes please.
#3. Be a literate me.
I am determined to get my reading list done and then some. As of right now I have 27 books on there which include new books like “My name is Memory” all the way to classics like “Emma” by Jane Austen with the occasional info book like “Not a Fan” and “Forgotten God”…I guess I should put some of those books that teach me about the area I am studying in College too.
#4. Be a Piggybank
Again with the cliques, girl you need to stop and give me 20….dollar bills. HA! That was good if I do say so myself. But seriously, I need to work on my bank accounts getting larger so that when it is time to get myself signed up or an oversea adventure I don’t have to stress myself to get there.
#5. Be a better Communicator
Write Jenn, WRITE! I have friends everywhere it seems and I need to talk to them more, a lot more Because some of them have to live too far away (*Cough*Cough* BECCA) I love their support and I am terrible at getting back to them at a reasonable time. But Also this category includes talking with the people I am with all the time, that unfortunately means that sometimes when it is necessary I should probably learn to confront people.
Alright, so lets stick with 5. It’s a good number I think. In exactly 3 days I will be turning 21. Not that my birthday has ever been a super big deal but I hope something awesome happens that day. I really don’t want it to be a lazy, uneventful day. That would make feel super old. ha. 21 that’s not even a little old.
Well, since it is 2 o’clock I should be getting off of this here computer, read my bible, and happily drift to sleep.
Good Night world, have a wonderful New Years eve. 
Get it? New Year, New Skin?
P.S. Poor girl she had an allergic reaction to the face mask and her whole face was red and puffy, she’s fine and it was something to laugh and we got some good pics but still….Poor Sis.
Not really alone.
My God. O my God,
You love me, more than I will ever even be able to conceive. You forgive me even when I feel I cannot forgive myself. I see now that you have a plan. I plan that is better than anything I could ever even dream. You are on my side, you will always be on my side. I am not saying that I won’t forget, because I will, I know that no matter what I go through even if I feel like I am all by myself I am not. Lonliness may follow me throughout my life but now I know the truth, the best part really, you are here. By my side like you were at my best times, you are here even through the worst.
Thank you. I don’t say that enough. Even now I know I need only to seek you when I feel alone. Then I will see that you haven’t forgotten me because you will never leave me.
Thank you for the friends you put in my life to help me see that. I love you and I pray that this lesson stays with me forever and ever.
Amen.
“My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.”
-Psalms 25:15-18
